yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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