Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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