I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
