It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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