I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
