I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
