I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
