I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
