this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
thus making me awesome and them whores
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
