i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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