May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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