the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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