I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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