Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
