I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
