fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
