Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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