I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
only you would photoshop your dick
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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