Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
