I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize