okay pat passed out under dana's car
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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