And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
