you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
