Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
