I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize