last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
