Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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