i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
