Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
