like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
