i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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