I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
