the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
