what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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