she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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