so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
