you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
