I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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