I met the friendliest cop last night
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
