I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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