in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
