Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
