Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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