Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
