he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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