I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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