how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
