dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
