Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize