It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
