I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
