so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
