I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
