you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
