It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
