Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
