I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
