If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
