Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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