Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
