After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
