I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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