I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
