I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
