I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
