The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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